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Smile of the Day!

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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby BEDdomination » Friday, 30 September 2016 15:26:27

Honestly I'm so happy I came to this page!! :D
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Friday, 30 September 2016 18:50:03

A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?" "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?" "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Friday, 30 September 2016 18:50:16

A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?" "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?" "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Friday, 30 September 2016 18:50:24

A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?" "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?" "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby BEDdomination » Thursday, 6 October 2016 14:07:21

HamiltonsEscorts wrote:A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?" "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?" "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."

I hope you don't tell your kids that one haha!!! good job :lol:
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Wednesday, 12 October 2016 10:32:16

A psychiatrist was conducting group therapy with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," the doctor observed.

To the 1st mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He looks to the 2nd mother, "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He looks to the 3rd mother. "Your obsession is alcohol. This manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the 4th mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and says... "Come on, Dick, we're leaving!"
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Thursday, 20 October 2016 11:50:09

I was working out in the gym when I saw a gorgeous redhead with dangerous curves walk in.
I asked the trainer standing next to me, "What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?"

The trainer looked me over and said; "I would recommend the ATM in the lobby."
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Sunday, 9 July 2017 12:02:07

Little Jimmy was walking downstairs from his bedroom one day when he heard strange noises coming from his big sisters bedroom. He stopped and peeked through the gap in the door and saw she was laying half naked on her bed, rubbing her hands over her body and saying "oh I want a man, I want a man"......

A few days later he's on his way downstairs again when he hears even stranger noises coming from his sisters room, he again peeks through the gap and sees her on the bed again but this time she has a man on top of her kissing her with his hand between her legs....

Little Jimmy sprints back up to his room, strips off his clothes, jumps on his bed and while rubbing his hands over himself quickly says "oh I want a bike, I want a bike"...... :wink:
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Wednesday, 12 July 2017 10:49:13

Three women were in the locker room getting ready for a game of squash. Then a masked man runs in, stark naked and his big dick swinging.

The first woman says "that definitely is not my husband"
The second woman says "definitely not mine either"
The third woman says "he is not even a member of this club"

:) :neutral:
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Friday, 11 August 2017 09:04:43

A guy who fancied himself to be a stud found a lamp at the beach. He rubbed it and of course out popped a genie. "I can give you one wish." said the genie. "That's easy," replied the guy, "I want to be perpetually hard, and get nothing but ass." "As you wish." said the genie; and POOF!....the genie turned him into a toilet seat!! :neutral: :razz:
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Wednesday, 30 August 2017 20:44:02

Two drinking buddies were sitting at the bar discussing life, philosophy, etc. etc.. One of the guys said "You know, I never slept with my wife before we were married. How about you?" The other guy paused for a moment and said " I'm not sure. She does look familiar. What was her maiden name?"


:wink:
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby PlaydollsEscorts » Sunday, 24 September 2017 18:42:31

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.” :-|
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Monday, 25 September 2017 09:24:42

A man goes up to a very beautiful, big-breasted woman in the supermarket and says, "I've lost my wife somewhere. Can you talk to me for a few minutes?" The woman is confused and asks, "Why talk to me?" The guy says, "Because every time I talk to a woman with breasts like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere." :P :neutral:
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Tuesday, 3 October 2017 11:51:49

Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.

Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table.

Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him...

“You know that dishwasher you promised me, but never bought me? I bought it with the insurance money!"

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said, "Remember that car you promised me, but never bought me?

Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!"

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said, "Remember that diamond ring you promised me, but never bought me?

I bought that, too, with the insurance money!"

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "Remember that blow job I promised you?”

"Here it comes." :P :neutral:
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Friday, 6 October 2017 05:20:42

Two whales, Sarah and Marty, were swimming together when they came across a whaling ship.
"That's the boat that killed my father 5 years ago! Sarah, help me bring it down so that it may never harm another whale again!" exclaimed Marty.
So the two whales swam under the boat and blew as hard as they could. The boat quickly tipped over and started to sink. A large number of the panicked sailors jumped overboard and began to swim to the nearest island.
"No! They're swimming to safety! If they're rescued they'll just crew another ship and continue to kill us. Quick, Sarah! We must eat them before they make it to shore!" Marty cried. He started toward the sailors but stopped and turned to Sarah when she didn't follow.
"Absolutely not!" said Sarah, "I agreed to the blowjob but I am NOT swallowing any sea men."
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Wednesday, 6 December 2017 23:43:32

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "new house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad." When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation
considering how and where the parrot had been raised. Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Thursday, 15 March 2018 12:56:44

Two fish are swimming along, one says to the other “what type of fish are you”... another fish shouts “don’t tell him pike”

:roll:
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Tuesday, 20 March 2018 12:47:15

A blond city girl named Amy marries a Wisconsin farmer. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the farmer says to her, “The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail Into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?”
The farmer leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail,
She tells him, 'This is the one right here.'
The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks, “Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know. How would you know this is the right cow to be bred?”
“That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall,” she explains very confidently.
Laughing rudely at her, the man says, “And what, pray tell, is the nail for?”
Amy turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder...... “guess it's to hang your pants on.”
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Friday, 23 March 2018 10:32:02

A man goes to a tailor and says "Your ad says you fit, hard to fit people."
"yes" says the tailor,"What can I help you with."
"Well, I need a pair of trousers and the problem is I have 5 penises"
"Don't worry, I'll take your measurements and have them ready in a week."
The man returns and tries them on,
"How do they fit?" asks the tailor"
"Like a glove" :wink:
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Wednesday, 4 April 2018 17:07:02

A woman dies and goes up to heaven. As St. Peter is beginning to process her for entrance, she hears a woman screaming in pain from an adjacent room. She looks in and sees them drilling holes in the woman's shoulders. "What's going on?" she asks. "Oh, they're just drilling holes so as to fasten her wings." replies St. Peter. Then she hears even louder screaming from another room. In there she sees them drilling holes into the sides of a woman's head. Horrified, she says "And what's that about?" St Peter replies "They're drilling holes to fasten the halo."

The woman tells St. Peter "That's it, I want no part of heaven; I want to go to the other place!"

"You don't want to go there", he replies. "They screw and sodomize you down there."

"I don't care", she answers. "At least I already have holes for that."
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