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Smile of the Day!

General chat

Moderator: PashaEscorts

Smile of the Day!

Postby Escortbunny69 » Saturday, 11 February 2012 11:23:40

The husband, tired of a listless sex life came right out and asked his
wife during a recent love-making session, "How come you never tell me
when you have an orgasm ?"

She looked him rite in the eye and said, "You're never home !" :lol:


Why not add anything that made you smile today!


Lots of Bunny Love
xxxxxx :-?
Last edited by Escortbunny69 on Monday, 13 February 2012 19:06:43, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby Escortbunny69 » Monday, 5 March 2012 12:30:34

A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform,

marches into a pharmacy.

Very carefully he opens his sporran

and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana,

unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief,

which he also unfolds -

to reveal a condom.

The condom has a number of patches on it.

The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.

"How much to repair it?' The Scot asks the chemist.

"Six pence" says the chemist.

"How much for a new one?"

"Ten pence" says the chemist.

The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the

silk square handkerchief

and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran,

and marches out of the door,

shoulders back and kilt swinging.

A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside,

followed by an even greater shout.

The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists

and addresses the proprietor,this time with a grin on his face.

"The regiment has taken a vote," he says.

“We'll have a new one."
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby Escortbunny69 » Monday, 12 March 2012 15:16:48

A group of nuns are re-decorating a room in their convent. To avoid getting paint on their habits, they decide to strip off. They are happily painting in the nude, when there is a knock at the door. Naturally they are very concerned! They call out, "Who is it?" The reply comes, "It's the blind man!". The nuns say, oh, he can't see anything anyway, might as well let him in! The man comes in, looks around and says, "Nice tits! Where do you want these blinds?"
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby Escortbunny69 » Friday, 16 March 2012 11:54:58

A guy goes into a restaurant and looks over the menu. After a few minutes, the waitress comes to the table and asks the guy what he'd like.
"I'd like a quickie".
The waitress blushes and says, "That's not funny, sir. Now, what would you like to order?"
"I'd really like a quickie".
The waitress slaps him hard and storms off angrily.
Another customer, overhearing the conversation, leans over and says to the guy, "Um, I think that it's pronounced 'quiche'"
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby emilyb » Tuesday, 20 March 2012 09:43:18

Thanks for the smile bunny :)

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

"Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby tomcat123 » Wednesday, 21 March 2012 12:06:02

A businessman staying at the Ritz Hotel in London takes a card offering sex etc. from a phone box
Back at the hotel, he calls the number....

A lady with a soft silky voice asks if she can be of any help....

The businessman says, ' I'd like a blow job, a straight shag, then doggie style. Mild bondage, a few minutes of ***** and finish with a mild tit wank...Is that ok?'

The lady replies, ' sounds fun sir... but you might want to dial 9 for an outside line first....... :D
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby tomcat123 » Wednesday, 21 March 2012 12:12:47

Brilliant :) from Tomcat123
emilyb wrote:Thanks for the smile bunny :)

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

"Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

EmilyB

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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby Escortbunny69 » Wednesday, 21 March 2012 17:14:27

There was a young man from Cathay,
on a slow boat to China one day,
was trapped at the tiller by a sex crazed gorilla,
and China's a long way away.

:neutral: :neutral: :neutral:
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby Escortbunny69 » Sunday, 25 March 2012 14:50:21

A man was admiring his naked body & says to the wife " look 200lbs of dynamite!"
wife replies "Too bad theres only 3 inches of fuse!"
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby slartybartfast » Monday, 26 March 2012 18:32:54

...and thank-you for the smiles! Alas I don't think I've anything to offer half as good!
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby Escortbunny69 » Tuesday, 27 March 2012 12:02:08

slartybartfast wrote:...and thank-you for the smiles! Alas I don't think I've anything to offer half as good!



Your welcome, another one for today....

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principals office. He was told to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class.

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his private parts hanging out.

"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.

"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out until lunchtime, shed come and pick me up from school."
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby Escortbunny69 » Friday, 30 March 2012 15:40:53

A woman takes her parrot to the vet. The vet examines it carefully and says, "I am terribly sorry madam, but this parrot is dead."

The woman is distraught. She says "But I am sure he is just sleeping, he was fine yesterday, I'd like a second opinion please." The vet sighs, and calls through to reception. A labrador comes in, sniffs around the parrot, and says to the vet, "It's definitely dead."

The woman begins to cry and beg, "There must be something else, some test you can do, I love this parrot so much." The vet calls through to reception and a black cat walks in, jumps up on the table and sniffs around the parrot. It turns to the vet and says "Yes, there's no question, this parrot is dead", and leaves the room.

The woman realises there is nothing more that can be done and says to the vet "Well, I suppose that's final then. How much do I owe you?"

"£200 please" says the vet.

"£200? £200?.....just to tell me it's dead?" shrieks the woman. :-|

"Well," says the vet, "what with the lab report and the cat scan, it all mounts up I'm afraid."

:lol:
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby Escortbunny69 » Monday, 2 April 2012 13:05:50

A Businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to a gorgeous woman.They exchange a few brief hello's and he notices she is reading a manual about Sexual Statistics.He asks her about it and she replies This is a very interesting book it states that the Native American Indians have the longest Willies and Greek men have the most Sexual Stamina and that Irishmen have the largest Willies in Diameter. By the way she says my name is Jill. What's Yours? My name he replies oh It's Tonto Papadopoulos but my friends call me Paddy.....

:neutral: :neutral: :lol:
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby Escortbunny69 » Tuesday, 3 April 2012 16:17:10

Peter invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal; his
mother couldn't help but notice how lovely Peter's flat mate, Joanne, was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between
the two, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two
interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his
flat mate than met the eye.

Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, 'I know
what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat
mates'.

About a week later, Joanne came to Peter saying, 'Ever
since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying
pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?

'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure'
said Peter.

So he sat down and wrote

DEAR MOTHER,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY
HOUSE. I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE
FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.

LOVE PETER

Several days later, Peter received an email from his
mother which read

DEAR SON,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, AND I'M
NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO NOT' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, BUT THE FACT REMAINS
THAT IF SHE WAS SLEEPING IN HER OWN BED, SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FRYING
PAN BY NOW.

LOVE MUM

Lesson of the day,

NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby Escortbunny69 » Saturday, 14 April 2012 12:11:53

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young Mothers and their small children.
You all have obsessions,' he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating.
You've even named your daughter Candy.'
He turned to the second Mom, Ann: 'Your obsession is with money.
Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.'
He turned to the third Mom, Kathy: 'Your obsession is alcohol.
This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy.'
At this point, the fourth mother, Joyce, quietly got up, took her
little boy by the hand and whispered,
'Come on Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Lets pick Willy up from school and go home

:lol: :lol:
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby emilyb » Tuesday, 24 April 2012 21:55:55

Thanks for the smile bunny :)

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar... FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.

Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her." The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there.

Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"

He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body.

"Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

EmilyB :lol:

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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby Escortbunny69 » Saturday, 28 April 2012 08:48:15

Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. "I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it's the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others" he is told by the doorman.
Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. "See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!"
"That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!"

"And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!"
"That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss physics!"

"And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!"
"That's wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!"

Just then another man moves out to capture Albert's hand and shake it. "I'm your last room mate and I'm sorry, but my IQ is only 80."
Albert smiles back at him and says, "So, where do you think interest rates are headed?
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby Escortbunny69 » Thursday, 10 May 2012 10:58:40

Two Italian men get on a bus,they sit down and engage in an animated conversation...

The Lady behind them ignores them at first,but her attention is drawn when she hears one of the men say the following...

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. Den i Come once-a-more.Two asses come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then i come one lasta time."

"You foul mouthed sex obsessed swine." The Lady retorted indignantly."

In this country....We don't speak out loud in public places about our sex lives

"Hey coola down Lady" said the man."Who talk abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my friend how to spella 'Mississippi'."
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby Escortbunny69 » Monday, 14 May 2012 13:07:05

Two guys are in a bar discussing "positions"

so one tells the other "well my favourite is the Rodeo"

and the other says,"what is the Rodeo"

"well first you get your wife down and start to do her doggy style,then when you are halfway done,you bend forward and whisper in her ear,

"you know this is your sister's favourite position"

Then you try and hold on for dear life.
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby Escortbunny69 » Thursday, 17 May 2012 10:36:21

Kirsty recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes

Home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio

Table. Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking

To him."You know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the

Insurance money!" She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes

Then said,"Remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with

The insurance money!"

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the

Ashes she said,"Remember that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too,

With the insurance money!"

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said,"Remember that

Blow job I promised you?"

"Here it comes."

:P
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