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Smile of the Day!

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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Wednesday, 23 May 2018 10:54:38

A couple went out to dinner to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. When they got home they retired upstairs to the bedroom whereupon the wife slid out of her dress and undergarments and stood at the end of the bed. She looked at her husband and said "So, 25 years ago when I stood here like this, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied "I was thinking that I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry."

"So what are your thinking now?"she coyly asked.

The husband thought for a moment and replied "I think I did a pretty good job."
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Sunday, 23 September 2018 09:41:44

A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up"

" Oh! please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?

He said, "Yes! lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to?"


The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box ...!!!!"
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Friday, 5 October 2018 14:02:32

The Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return her father demanded, 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mother through?'

The girl, crying, replied, 'Dad... I became a prostitute.'

'Ye what!? Get out'a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.'

'OK, Dad... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a 10- bedroom mansion plus a 5 million pound savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership to the country club ... (takes a breath) ... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board me new yacht in the Riviera.'

'What was it ye said ye had become?' asks Dad.

Girl, crying again, 'A prostitute, Daddy!'

'Oh, my goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old dad a hug!
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Monday, 25 March 2019 15:00:22

So there were three middle aged women talking and boasting about their children. The first women said "I have a son who is a priest and whenever he enters a room, the people refer to him as 'reverend '". The second woman replied " Well, I have a son who is a bishop and whenever he enters a room the people nod and call him "your holiness'". The third women paused and then said "Well, I have a daughter, 5' 7", 36 D- 24- 35, long blonde hair down to her ass, and whenever she enters a room everyone gasps and says 'Jesus'".
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Tuesday, 16 April 2019 16:14:17

On a very hot day my friend pulled into a service station and bought a couple six-packs of beer. While leaving he noticed a model-type blonde pumping gas. It was so hot she had unbottoned her blouse down to her waist and had her boobs just hanging out.

After she finished pumping gas she walked by my friend's car and noticed the beer on his front seat. She leaned in the window and said in a sultry voice, "I am a firm believer in the barter system. I would be willing to trade sex for beer."

My friend sat back and thought for a moment then said, "So, what kind of beer do you have?" :-P :-P :P
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Wednesday, 1 May 2019 12:40:29

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question.

After consulting the Bible, the priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays".

The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex"? So he goes to a Lutheran minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter.

He queries the minister and receives the same reply: "Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath"!

Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi, a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge.

The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely play".

The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work"?

The Rabbi softly speaks, "My son, if sex was work, my wife would have the maid do it". :-|
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Monday, 13 May 2019 22:17:50

Man : Hey God!
God : Hey Man!
Man : God, what's ten million years like for you?
God : Well, it is like one second.
Man : And ten million euros, what's that like?
God : That would be like one cent I guess.
Man : OK. Would you give me a cent please?
God : Sure, just one second!! :neutral:
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby Niridont » Tuesday, 4 June 2019 10:31:43

Teacher: “Anyone who thinks they are stupid may stand up!”
Nobody stands up
Teacher: “I’m sure there are some stupid students over here!!”
Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: “Ohh, Johnny you think you’re stupid?”
Little Johnny: “No… i just feel bad that you’re standing alone…”
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Wednesday, 5 June 2019 22:02:25

Moods of a Woman

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
a woman is a bundle of contradiction,
she's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
but will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
she'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
she'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
she'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk,
at times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
she'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.

Moods of a Man

Horny
Hungry
Thirsty
Sleepy
:P
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Thursday, 10 October 2019 22:22:19

A couple went out to dinner to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. When they got home they retired upstairs to the bedroom whereupon the wife slid out of her dress and undergarments and stood at the end of the bed. She looked at her husband and said "So, 25 years ago when I stood here like this, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied "I was thinking that I wanted to bonk your brains out and suck your tits dry."
"So what are your thinking now?"she coyly asked.
The husband thought for a moment and replied "I think I did a pretty good job."
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Re: Smile of the Day!

Postby HamiltonsEscorts » Monday, 21 October 2019 20:46:02

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question.
After consulting the Bible, the priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays".
The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex"? So he goes to a Lutheran minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter.
He queries the minister and receives the same reply: "Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath"!
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi, a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge.
The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely play".
The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work"?
The Rabbi softly speaks, "My son, if sex was work, my wife would have the maid do it".
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