So, in the story so far we have this beautiful, charming but sadly completely off her trolley young lady waiting for me in my future and the question is why did I pair up with someone a picnic short of a picnic? Well it all comes down to virginity. My virginity actually. I was in my late twenties and still a virgin. Perhaps you are thinking that I might have the looks of Quasimodo, the charm of Norman Tebbit and the body odour problem of a wart-hog with the squits. Not so. I am quite average really. It all went back to when I was 17 and was desperately trying to lose my cherry with a girl who had the same idea. Neither of us knew what we were doing and something went badly wrong. I was confused and baffled but being a perfect gent I took the blame myself and she, being an utter bitch of the highest order, blamed me too and promptly dumped me.

At this point I have a serious problem. I have tried to lose my cherry and failed. I don't know why. My school sex education lessons went from sperms impregnating eggs to catching crabs and clearly had missed out something vital in the middle. My self-confidence is at zero but being 17 I am too immature to seek professional help. I have no girlfriend to practise with. The obvious thing to do is to find an experienced girl to "help" - but that seems problematic. What am I supposed to do, ask her: "Please miss, I need a shag but don't know how to do it, can you help?". Now at this point you are perhaps thinking in terms of escorts being the answer....

....and to find out if they were you are going to have to wait until my next post!